Hmm...this fascinates me how people can talk in circles over and over and over, never stopping but at the same time claiming it helps. This often happens when people are talking about "giving their power away." Many claim that holding onto pain, negativity, etc is giving their power away to others while only hurting themselves. While I agree that you have to release this negativity, I do not agree with the fact that they say you have to forgive and forget.
Release, forgive them and move on, yes. Don't dwell on it. However, if you do just this, you are setting yourself up to have the same thing happen again. You have to believe in who you are and love yourself enough to say "no, this isn't right." and walk away. But if you always forgive and forget, you won't remember what has happened and will end up in the same cycle you were in before. Being a loving, forgiving, caring person doesn't mean you're a doormat. Forgiveness is not the answer to everytime you feel bad; sometimes you just need to express the emotion and release it.
Sometimes things happen that are NOT right, they are NOT positive. And it is not always your fault that they occurred. However, it is your responsibility as to how you handle the situation. You can release it and move on, or wallow in self-pity and depression, or you can completely forget about it ever happening. It seems logical to me to want to deal with it and move on so that you can be happy. You can forgive and not forget, you can forgive and learn for the future.
Another thing that pisses me off about this topic is when people say you are responsible for your own emotions, actions, etc. Ok, let's think about this...someone hurts you and you get upset. Now, according to this theory, it is your fault you were hurt and it is your fault you are upset. Hmm....I think that's bullshit. I'm not saying poor poor you, no, get off your butt, express the emotions and move on. That's life. However, YOU are not responsible for what others do. YOU are not responsible for what you feel. In fact, I beleieve we cannot help what we feel, we can only help what we choose to do and think on the situation. Look at love. You do not choose to love, you feel it regardless, even if you try to deny it, you still feel it. Even if you don't want to or convince yourself you can't, you do--you can't help it.
Also, they talk about giving your power away by complaining, crying, etc. While I agree if a person does only this and does not move on, I totally disagree that you should not be upset at all. That's ridiculous. You have to deal with the emotions to release them. There is no magic wand, you have to feel the emotions and live through it.
Another thing I read was about knowledge that you don't use is useless. Now, here's my thing...if you know something it affects every single thing in your life, so how can you not use it? I speak three languages, I don't actively speak two of them all the time, but they are far from useless. I can understand and adapt to situations better, relate to other cultures better, and help my ESL students better because of that knowledge.
My final complaint on this topic is where it says you only hurt yourself. These same people claim we are all connected, part of a whole. If that is the case, how can we only hurt ourselves? Everything we think say and do puts forth the energy into this universe and it affects countless being because of it. How can you say it hurts only you? Does the child who kills himself hurt only himself? Is it the parent's fault they are grieving for the child? If you state something as a universal law or truth, you better make damned sure that it holds true with no exceptions, otherwise, it's not a law or truth. How dare these people take people who are hurt and in need, claim to know what is good for them and have the arrogance to say they are only hurting themselves and it's their fault.
Each person is responsible for their actions, thoughts, etc. and you need to release the negativity in your life to continue to move forward, but this is ridiculous. If you are one of those people, You DON'T know what that person is feeling. You DON'T understand what they are going through. And most importantly, you DON'T know who they are. Think of it this way, just because a situation could be worse, doesn't make it better. It doesn't change the affects of the situation and it certainly doesn't make it ok. To deny a person the ability to express what is inside, you are denying them the abilty to heal...all the while telling them they are giving their power away. There are people who simply want you to feel sorry for them and drain your energy, but these are not the people I am talking about. I am talking about the typical human who is having a difficult time in life. How dare you tell them it is their fault because they couldn't forgive what others have done? How dare you tell them what they should feel! How dare you tell them they need to take responsibility for it because they caused it!! There is freewill and that includes the freewill of others. I will NEVER take responsibility for what you do! It is my responsibility to help others, not keep my emotions in and let you convince me it was my fault. Whose fault it is, doesn't matter, what matters at that point is healing from the situation. Blaming yourself is still blame and it still prevents you from moving on. Take responsibility for what you did or didn't do, express your emotions, release them and move on. THAT empowers you. Remember that what you do in "helping" this person is either helping or hurting yourself and everyone in this world. If I am sure of one thing it is that we are all connected and collectively if one hurts, the rest does. Perhaps not on a conscious level and perhaps not everyone experiences it as strongly, but the connection is there none the less. That includes the earth, animals, plants, humans, etc. EVERYTHING is connected. That is the truth.