 |
|
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Why do bad things happen?
Posted at 04:38 am by akikodomo
Permalink
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Here's the thing. The only people I have found that I relate to in my spiritual developments are characters in stories. Stories created not from facts or events or even experiences, but from someone's twisted mind. Now...who is to say that my experiences are not created from my own twisted mind. To me, that is entirely possible. And it would be so easy to lose myself in my thoughts, to live there instead of here. Often my thoughts seem more real that what is real. I, for example, do not understand how people can allow violence and anger and hate to the extent it exists in the world. I do not understand how they cannot FEEL the pain it causes. Not the, "Oh, what a shame" "that's terrible" "it sucks, but you just have to keep movin'" kind of pain. I mean really feeling it--taking on that pain as your own. Of course you cannot feel it to the extreme like the person it's actually happening to, but you can sure as heck feel a lot more than "oh, that's too bad." Even just the pain the world is in, be it nature or humanity or whatever. How can you walk down the street, down the aisle at the store, or drive to work and not see it? Not feel it? I don't understand. Unfortunately, I've never met anyone who understands that lack of comprehension.
I was talking with a friend of mine tonight about it and about how alone it makes me feel. It drifted to relationships, but that is not the main issue for me. The main issue is if I look at the facts: 1. My "real experiences" are dangerously close to "imagined or wished for experiences" 2. No one I know has had experiences or feelings like I do and 3. I would rather believe and live in that imagined world than the one I'm in half the time. She told me to believe in myself and my gifts. I don't think feeling a deep sadness when someone is in pain is a gift. I don't think it takes anything aside from being a human and possessing compassion for life. That's not a gift--it's part of being a living creature! I don't know...are the experiences I have real or something I am creating, something I am wishing for? I've never had a spirit come up and grab me, yell my name, or materialize in front of me. I've never had any of the experiences many "proclaimed psychics or mediums" have had. I've never had anyone above me tell me I was doing well, or I was learning or growing, or that I had an aptitude or gift for something. I've never been "good" at it. How am I supposed to trust myself to know the truth, when the my own sanity seems to be dancing on the razor's edge? How do you know? I've never had a vision fall from the sky or be given to me. In fact, no one has ever been able to read me like that. So if I have no reasons left to give proof, and hundreds of doubts...how am I supposed to maintain faith? I have hundreds of questions, and no one to ask. If I ask, they either go unanswered or I am told to look within. Within is a jumbled mess because I have no freakin answers. Someone explain to me how you know...I can't just blindly believe. If I was like that, I wouldn't feel what I feel about living creatures and this world and I sure as hell wouldn't be contemplating my spiritual exploits.
Posted at 11:47 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Well, this is just dandy. I've started having bad dreams. Not exactly nightmares, but bad dreams. I don't remember much about it, but it's the same one over and over. From what I do remember, this child--who looks like a student of mine--is talking to me and I have a terrible feeling something bad is going to happen to him or someone he knows. It feels like he's my child, but I don't remember why. I just have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect him from the pain he is going to face. The only thing I can think of would be my feelings about my brother, wishing I could take away the pain he will suffer when he comes home, but other than that, I don't understand. It doesn't really feel connected to my brother at all, in fact it feels like that kid's soul is the one doing the communicating, but that seems a bit odd to say. *Shrug* But that's what it feels like. I just must not be getting the message regardless of what it's about if I keep dreaming it. I hadn't really dreamt much in months and now this. Maybe I'll work it out soon...
Posted at 08:52 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Monday, November 15, 2004
Ok, so this is the second time this year my students have come up to me telling me I am different. I ask what they mean and they can't answer. I don't look different--in fact my hair is exactly the same, and my clothes are the same outfits I've worn for three years. I don't act different and my views on things haven't changed suddenly. I've had no epiphanies. And yet...I'm different somehow. They can never explain how or why I am, just that I am. I guess I shouldn't complain as it hasn't been a bad change...thankfully. *Sigh* Oh that and the one time a student saw a light flying around me...that was fun too. I saw it, but dismissed it until he asked if I saw it. He thought it was a spirit without me saying anything, so that was a bit uncomfortable too. Never a dull moment I guess. ^ ^ Anyone else have people tell them they're suddenly different and not be able to explain why?? Do you know what is different?
Posted at 09:46 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Well, on my way to meet a friend yesterday from my mom's, I saw what I thought was a human child running into the street. It was dark and so the child was difficult to see and appeared to be dressed in black with not distinct features. However, as I slammed on my breaks to stop, there was no child. It disappeared. It was very odd and I'm still not sure what to think about it, despite the research on such incidences where those entities are often called shadow people. Very odd indeed...any advice/information is most appreicated! ^ ^
Posted at 11:45 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Sunday, October 03, 2004
OK, so take this how you want to take it. I'm homesick. I dunno if that means for home or another planet or another dimension or all three. I want to go home and I feel a terrible longing to go. Not to die, but to return home, because this is not home. Last night, as you may notice from my previous post, I was a bit emotional. I felt like I was a frayed wire, stripped bare but the electrical current still going stronger than ever. Today in a meditation, a guide of some sort, although I"m not convinced she was human, came and put her hand over my third eye chakra. Told me to sleep. It started with a very very VERY strong tingling sensation on my head and it went from one side to the next and extended partway down my body and across my face. I was so deep in the meditation it would take a few minutes before I would remember to type. A friend of mine had suggested last night I close down my crown chakra, but in the meditation, she put her hand on my third eye. It was so open, it looked like they eye was almost bulging and the color was almost a piercing violet. It was an interesting time. So tonight I will try that, closing my third eye and see if that helps me any.
On a different note, I've been seeing a lot of stuff flying around, even at the restaurant. Always makes for interesting conversation with a table when you jump and look for something that's not there. :P
Posted at 08:20 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Hmm...okay, well I think I am dealing quite a bit with that past life bit as well as some of the new changes in my life. Oddly enough I was speaking with a friend and it sort of organized my thoughts...almost as if I have to be typing in a fury to understand what is going on and get it out. Here is the jist of the conversation:
Tyrael says:
nothing wrong with a different perspective
Kalla says: cept when you are sick of being the only one who sees it
Tyrael says: I doubt that - the the large sense - that is true, and the small sense is no matter, since we all have different viewpoints on subtle things - so permutations are infinite
Kalla says: that is not what I am talking about...I am talking about not having a person you can talk to about things cuz they see them so differently than you do.
Kalla says: or they would think you were crazy if you did tell them
Tyrael says: well, as much as I can guarantee that I see things differently than you, I can guarantee that I would not see your views a crazy
Kalla says: do YOU see shit flying around? can you look out into a restaurant and see images so sharp they seem more alive, it makes this world look 2D and is almost like you can feel an extra dimension to the world?
Tyrael says: well, I have seen SHIT flying around on the farm, but as for the visions you speak of - no, but you are welcome to speak of it
Kalla says: I just did. and every time it happens I feel crazy.
Tyrael says: so rather that trying to ascertain why you se them, you dismiss them
Kalla says: even when I'm with my kids, I hear things...like with a girl who was having some severe emotional disturbances (counsellor says she prolly shoulnd' tbe in school) I distictly "heard" Dangerous in my head cuz I was about to go to her. Or getting the suggestion to talk to a kid and find out they have had a terrible day.
Tyrael says: that doesnt sound like you
Kalla says: I don't dismiss them.
Kalla says: but i can't explain them.
Kalla says: the only thing that explains them are things so far beyond what I know I feel lost
Interesting how someone else can help you pinpoint exactly how you percieve things.
Posted at 11:52 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Hmm...I am still debating the existance of past lives, but after what has happened recently it is becomming harder and harder to remain doubtful. Recently I've been getting information in I guess what you would call channeling. Mainly this information consists of who I am, why I am here and what is going on here on earth. This however, was different. At first I thought perhaps it was a spirit trying to communicate with my friend, but I didn't feel warm as I usually do. In fact, my hands were rather cold. What I told her however made sense for a past life she had learned about. I recognized some of the other people in the life, including one we both share as a friend. Once I started seeing images of the boy I immediately recognized the scene. I knew what was going to happen and how it was going to happen. I was removed from it, but it was like I was reading a book. We were children and weren't supposed to play together. Once we were caught we ran and I went into a tree, but her father caught up to her and killed her. I saw it happen, too terrified to move from the tree. I even remember the sound of the dog barking, the delicate design on white gloves, and the warmth of the sunlight as it shown through the window I was looking out of into the yard. Oddly enough, I was not particularly involved in what I was seeing, other than the shock and feeling that it had happened before or that I had seen this before. The energy around it was strong enough that when I would let out a sigh for example, my computer screen would ripple. Was a very odd evening. I'm really not sure what to think of it but I suppose as with all things, this too shall become clear. Any thoughts or previous experience with past lives would be most appreciated.
Posted at 09:58 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Recently I've had many what my friend would call "trips." Basically they are channellings, at least that is the best word I have found to describe them. It starts with the feeling I normally have from spirit before I do a reading, but instead of doing a reading, they talk to me. Sometimes they show me a book and I read what is in it and other times I go to places that are familiar even though I do not remember being there before. This isn't the deja vu feeling you get, this is more like knowing where the light switch is without having to look even though you're in a stranger's home. This may sound odd, but many times I am told about trees.
I have always believed plants and animals have feelings and emotions, just like humans do. And I certainly believe they have souls, just like humans, despite what I was told as a child. In fact when I was told that at like age 6 or whatever, I distinctly remember telling my father I didn't believe that. The trees are much older than humans and have seen many things that we miss or decide not to aknowledge. They also see what is in the future and its possibilities. If you listen to them, they have much wisdom to impart and you can feel their pain and sorrow. I used to talk to trees as a child and hug them. At least until my parents told me to stop acting that way.
Recently I've also noticed some other changes. I've started to see what looks like another world superimposed upon what is solid. It's not very clear, or more it looks like the world around me is an image that is TOO sharp. Hues also seem to be a bit more vivid or active or something. I am also hearing things more clearly. Like with music, the same song I've listened to several times or a new one, I'm hearing effects and sounds I've not heard before. I am also feeling a very warm tingling feeling touch me. It feels different from the more itchy tingling feeling that spirits usually give me. I also feel something inside changing...and very quickly. I have been releasing a lot of emotional baggage that I've had, especially through song. I realized this tonight when I was singing that aside from dreams, many of my thoughts and emotions are dealt with while I am singing with the radio or CD. Information is also comming to me easier and without question. For example, I will see someone and immediately want to say something specific to them because I feel they need to hear it. My body has also become rather charged with energy...so much so that the other people around me are telling me repeatedly I need ritalin. Before I was very quiet, reserved, and fairly unactive. I'm not going out and lifting weights, but I can' sit still and my focus is totally gone. My body has also decided it only needs to sleep from about 3 to 7. Very frustrating.
I suppose this is all part of waking up and releasing all the negativity to move forward with this life. I have the feeling that things are not only moving very fast, but that I'm waiting for something. It's almost here, but not quite. It's just out of my reach. I know things are constantly changing, but I feel there is something deep within that is changing a lot more than usual. It's not a bad thing, but it is a bit surprising to me as I'm not really used to it. I am pulling away from many people I've known, some of them my whole life. It's not upsetting to me because it is the right thing to do, but it surprises me that much more because it is not alarming to me. One thing that has helped is that I keep a dream diary and a journal of my channellings. They can be very insightful when you reread them. Being as half the time I am so deep when I channel I don't really remember all that happens, it's a good thing to reread it. I suppose this too shall become clear in time, as with all things in my life. And it IS kind of cool to say "stay green" to the stoplight and have it stay green. *knocks on wood* ^^
Posted at 11:30 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Just when you think you're comfortable in what you have experienced and are becomming familiar with all these new things in your life...something else happens. *sigh* Well, let's just say I went on a little trip outside of my body and it was most enlightening. As soon as I figure out how to explain it without sounding totally disjointed or insane, I will post it. Until then...
The universe is made up of many dimensions. As I understand it, the higher your counsciousness, the more levels of dimensions you can cross. The way I interpret this is that here in the 3D world, we only see the physical things. Trees, people, cars, etc. However, if we open up a little, we can see things from another dimension, even if they aren't quite clear. To me, this explains why someone might feel or hear a spirit but not see it materialize. Although that can happen as well. The higher you raise your consciousness, the easier and more clearer these messages become. At least this is my understanding...which is quite limited at the moment.
Here's another thing...there are those that are said to come here to help earth and its people raise their level of being into a new dimension. (Dimension may not be precisely the right word) These beings have chosen to come here for this purpose. Although many of them do not realize it until later when they start to "wake up."
The belief is that before anyone comes here, they choose certain things about their life...lessons so to speak that they wish to learn. I do not believe that you sit down and plan out every aspect. Also, the free will of other beings must be taken into account. You cannot force someone down a path. Therein lies the real lesson...do you ultimately go down the path you choose or not? You may never know what that path is as you do not come here conscious of that path. However, the things that happen in your life happen for a reason, often to guide you in the right direction or steer you away from the wrong one. This is not a justification for bad things happening, for free will does exist. However, when I say they happen for a reason, I mean it. You are only a victim so long as you choose to be. Anything that happens in your life, you can either embrace with love and grow from it, or you can let it destroy part of you and expect sympathy from others.
These are just a few of the thoughts I've been pondering that have lead me to the point where I can accept and begin--for I do not fully understand what has happened to me in the past few days. I will post as it becomes clearer.
Posted at 03:48 pm by akikodomo
Permalink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome to Autumn Dreams. Here is where you can discuss all things spiritual. Please remember to be respectful. Everyone has different views and that is what makes life so colorful and magical.
