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Sunday, December 05, 2004
I've struggled and struggled with why I am here over the past month or so. Increasingly as I tried to figure it out, more and more people misunderstood me and misinterpreted my actions. I became so frustrated with people's limited judgements I was ready to scream. People who I thought cared, telling me I was this or that or not. I realized, they don't know, they don't understand me and they probably never will. But that is okay. Because that is not why I am here...I am not here to be understood.
Although I'm not entirely sure of everything, I am clear on a few issues. First, it does me no good to mourn over the friends I have lost because of these judgements...forgive them and let go. For example, it is never okay to intentionally harm another being, but many justify it. Even if you must do it, it is NOT okay. It causes pain, not just to those involved, but to the world as a whole. Sometimes, it's best to just walk away and not look back. You can't make others see what is right in front of them, and sometimes that means you have to painfully wait and watch while they suffer. Through their suffering they learn what you have always known, and when they are ready, will hear the words and feel the support that you have always offered.
It came upon me, and it was like I was seeing the world through new eyes, eyes that pierced through viels that some of the most "enlightened" and "helpful" people wear without even realizing it. Perhaps that makes me wearing the biggest viel of all, but I have not lost sight of the fact that I can learn from even my most slowly developing students or even an enemy. And I pray I never do. You can always learn, but it is a choice. My lesson was it was time to move on. So I have.
In doing so I have come to the conclusion that at least part of why I am here is not only to help guide others but to help heal them. I do not mean that I physically go and heal their wounds or talk them through it for themselves. It means I feel the pain and I wait and wait until they finally crash and then I help pick up the pieces and put them back together. Then I can help guide them, opening their own eyes, that they didn't realize were closed.
I realized that I feel much more that what many do, and that I have to deal with it accordingly. It doesn't matter what someone else THINKS I should do, what matters is what I think I should do. If I listen, my soul will tell me what I need to do. I am not like others, not in a bad way and it certainly doesn't make one better than the other, it just means we are different. Knowing just that helps. I could never use cruel words to get someone to see things differently, I could never try to "help them" by tearing them down. People will do that on their own anyway, but what they really need is love and understanding. Even if most I meet along the way cannot offer me that, I can offer it to them and at least, that is a beginning.
Posted at 10:37 pm by akikodomo
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Welcome to Autumn Dreams. Here is where you can discuss all things spiritual. Please remember to be respectful. Everyone has different views and that is what makes life so colorful and magical.
